I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
