You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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