i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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