can we get nightvision for the apartment?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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