Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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