you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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