Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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