Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize