i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
