i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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