Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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