i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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