last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
