Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
