dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
only if we run a train.
done.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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