just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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