Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
