planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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