I want to stick my p in your. b.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
