Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
