Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
