Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
