First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
They took my balls.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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