at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
