no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
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His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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