Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
