he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
