I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
