well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
