Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Cover your peen. We're going out.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
