I can't watch pbs sober anymore
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
