I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
do nipples grow back?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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