my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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