Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
