Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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