the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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