I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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