He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dick very happy bro
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
