Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
