i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
