dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
