What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
