he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
