I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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