Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
