It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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