i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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