based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
