Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
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How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
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well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize