Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
