If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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