i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
