Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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