All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
