He had one of those small greek statue penises
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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