I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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