This is not my ceiling
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
