And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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