CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
