I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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