dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
