I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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