God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
