Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
