:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
