I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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